Spring 2012 - Participation, Clarinets and Learning about Myself

            This semester has been the most difficult and grounding semester I have had since the beginning of my time here at UNCG. I have had to deal with many more things going on at one time than usual and I became quite overwhelmed at times. But, because of these things I learned to appreciate playing the clarinet and how to make the things I enjoy playing musical. I have officially acquired a consistent focus in my sound and learned a lot about myself as a person.
             During my lesson time this semester we talked a lot about stepping outside of my comfort zone and knowing when I feel the need to stay inside that comfort zone and trying to figure out why that happens. I thought about a few possible reasons for why this happens to me:

-I never want to try new things. Ever since I can remember I never wanted to do anything..I was never involved in any sports/clubs/teams or anything. When I started playing clarinet in middle school it was because my best friend was going to do it and we wanted to be in the same class... SO this may be simply a routine for me. Living with Liam and Anna has helped me change this though, I am more open to new music/habits/movies/literature..etc., because of living with these two very different people. 

- I am scared of failure. I know this is true, but just today I overcame this fear (in a small way)! All of the practice rooms have been full with juries tomorrow and I had to practice at home. This is usually difficult because well, Anna and Liam would hear me and I would be afraid that they would think I was terrible. (this has been something that has bothered me for a long time, and I could never seem to admit it) Today, however, I really realized that they couldn't care less and I just played and played. It really was a moment of success in my mind. I have realized how useless it is to be afraid to fail. The step I am working on now is just plowing though the things I am afraid to fail at. 

Over the past week or two I have compiled a list of things I tried to back away from because of fear of failure:
-trying something completely new
-talking to people I don't know..particularly people I find intriguing
-singing for people 
-playing clarinet for people(practicing even)
-exercising my own musical ideas for others
-changing my systems of cleaning/cooking
-thinking about the future, and making plans for it
-giving a presentation/speech
-talking in general I am afraid of 

Every single thing on this list could be fixed by just getting over my fear and doing it. I know this is true but it is still difficult to get over this. It is something I am working on long-term.

I have spent a lot of time in my practice sessions listening to music. I have found a lot of nice recordings of the pieces I will play in my recital and really like all of the music I am going to play. Listening, to me, is a big part of learning music, and it really inspires me to practice as well as helps me play with a piano. Listening also gives me many ideas and options in which to play the music.

=^.^=