Anxiety:
When I've been noticing it
-When I don't practice one day (or realize I won't have time to)
>not sure why I feel anxious when this happens yet.
- Thinking about my relationships with people and how they will turn out in the future (drifting apart, moving away, changing)
>I am not sure yet, but the only reason I can come up with for this is that I am scared of change and not knowing what will happen in the future.
- Thinking about the future in general.
>I am unsure of what I Want to do overall, and am worried that I am running out of time to decide. Even further in the future, I am worried that my decisions now will cause me to have an unhappy life and no way to escape that.
>I have always said that happiness is the key to life.
-I feel like something needs to change in my life right now, but I don't know what it is or how to do it.
>I may also be subconsciously preventing this change because of my fear of it...
Recording myself:
Thoughts..
I don't like listening to myself. Probably for reasons most people don't like it..you are your worst critic and such.
I also realized for real that I have no natural ability to be musical with my phrases. Well, maybe there's something there but it only happens in certain conditions.
I have a problem with getting tired too fast and running out of air as well.
>this also makes me anxious because since I know I may get tired or run out of air, I worry and forget about phrasing nicely. :(
>I also don't have the talent for planning phrases, and since I believe this I often don't plan them before I begin to play...
-And I am uninterested in trying to work on things I don't enjoy. I learned this by playing the Bassi Rigoletto. I wanted to play JeanJean no. 5 much more than Bassi. :D
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